Since Monday I have been painting and have somehow managed to complete these pieces. I am glad to have recovered my creative rhythm at some point although I am still not able to go as deep as I would wish and as I usually could because dayjob duties require me to be within summoning distance.
I've made some movements with my November novel but I haven't updated my word count in the NaNoWriMo site yet.
I feel an ache for holding myself in careful balance, keeping a part of me at the ready to get out of my true element in order to sacrifice time for that which makes this particular world go round -- money. I cannot escape from the need for money. I was not born into a family with property or secure livelihood that could help support or sustain my daily living. I spent every cent I made on my family, particularly my parents. I was driven by a sense of duty and guilt. And I spent on the things that marked me as successful according to the definitions of the society I lived in. I did not know any better and no one immediately close to me was in any position to halt my downhill snowball roll into the pit of false happiness.
I was hungry before and I fed myself with junk, spent my money on placebos and temporary tranquillisers to soothe the unnameable aches that surged from the shadows of my self.
I am hungry now, but I know what I need. But I no longer have the money I used to have because that was the price of knowing.
I survive on instinct and intuition now. My empty hands are learning to work with what is invisible. I become abundant in ways very few will understand or appreciate.
I am hungry everyday. But I am learning to grow my own food instead of trying to look for a convenient prettily packaged thing that promises instant miracles. Such things are always too good to be true. I should know. I used to work in the very places where those promises were crafted.
I am hungry, but I have never been so alive.
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I am an artist-in-progress. I started my creative journey in 2012 and have never stopped taking steps since. Always one step at a time. Always moving forward. It has been an increasingly tough and occasionally rewarding road.
Models & Mentors
Emily W. Martin
That Curious Love of Green
The Dainty Squid
The School Of Life
Crafty Fun Kids by Sinead
David Beaver Art
Head Graffiti Studio
News From The Hill
Pretty Odd Peach
The Fiery Redhead
Upward Facing Blog
View From Zany Mountain
What Karen Did Next